How to Stay Friends When One of You Suddenly Gets Rich

Friendships are often built on mutual interests or shared life experiences, but when one of you starts earning much more or a wealth gap emerges, it can lead to tension envy and resentment.

So how can you talk about financial privilege with your friends to avoid feelings of envy and embarrassment later down the road?

We’ve spoken to Mindy Paul, wealth accumulation mentor, who has explained how to cross the wealth gap and navigate relationships with those closest to you when you have financial differences.

What is financial privilege?

Inessence, financial privilege is when you have enough money so you aren’t choosing between eating, heating your home and paying your mortgages or rent. It goes far beyond being able to buy the latest gadget or trendy item; having financial privilege is simply about not having to worry about how you are going to afford all your bills that month. 

How can having a wealth gap impact your relationships?

Most of the time, when someone earns a lot more money than someone else, awkwardness and impact on relationships happen when people make assumptions about each other.

Just because you can afford to go to the pub or pay for a nice meal doesn’t mean that your friends or loved ones can, and failing to recognise this is where it can impact relationships as you run the risk of excluding those who can’t afford what you can, or forcing them to choose between socialising with you and being able to pay their bills.

While it might be something that you think you can just ride out or gloss over, unless you confront it, there is the possibility that you make the other person feel resentful or that they aren’t good enough because they can’t pay for their share. 

So should you talk about money with your friends?

There is often nothing more awkward than being in a situation with a group of your friends, and being able to afford something that they can’t.

It is therefore important that you think and listen properly before making any finite decision on activities that involve your friends and loved ones. Money can be difficult to talkabout. It’s common to feel guilt or shame even when you have money, whether because others don’t share the same success or because of being labelled as privileged.

However, while it’s easy to bury your head in the sand or not mention it because it’s embarrassing to bring it up, it’s far better to be honest with your friends, and come to an agreement together rather than putting anyone in an uncomfortable position. If being honest drives them away, then they clearly weren’t a good friend to begin with.

Is it better to explain where your wealth comes from?

When you are in a wealthy position, it may lead many friends and loved ones to wonder where your wealth has come from. While you might not be comfortable explaining where your wealth has come from especially if it was money that was inherited or given to you, lying instead of telling the truth, is far worse. 

Lying can get bigger over time, and you end up having to make sure that you keep your story straight  Not only that but meaningful friendships are formed on honesty with one another, so if you want to keep a relationship, then you’ll have to come clean at some point, and the longer you lie, the harder it will be to forgive you when they find out the truth. 

If you’re worried or embarrassed about your money and where it’s come from, try and recognise where that embarrassment comes from first. Do you feel judged by society? Were you raised to associate money with greed or lack? Instead, recognise that wealth is neutral—the emotions you feel around it often stem from personal insecurities or societal conditioning. Identifying these influences is the first step in overcoming them and being able to be honest with friends about where your wealth comes from.

How can you, overcome the wealth gap and maintain friends and relationships?

If you’re the one with the money, be open and generous, but make it clear that your ability to pay is not a condition of your friendship.

This means being flexible on plans, if your friends can’t afford what you can, or offering to pay and genuinely meaning it, not expecting them to pay you back later.

Ultimately, maintaining friendships and relationships with loved ones isn’t about money and what you spend it on, but the time that you spend together and the memories that you make. There are a lot of things you can do that don’t involve money at all but you’ll have a good time doing together.

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