On the drive up to Edinburgh from Yorkshire my colleague Joanne was a little unsure of the exact name of the hotel we were staying at for the night.
‘Land of Gods’ and ‘Hand of God’ were my personal favourites. Please rest assured that you’re not about to spend five minutes reading about some depraved Diego Maradona tribute-hotel, we were in fact staying at Edinburgh’s one and only House of Gods.
House of Gods is rapidly making a name for itself as one of the most decadent and unique boutique Hotels North of the Wall. Fortunately at least one of us was already familiar with the place, I’ve been an Instagram-voyeur of theirs for quite a while now (check out their page @houseofgodshotel and you’ll be as hooked as I am). The pictures say it all to be honest, unadulterated opulence with more than a hint of rockstar luxury. It’s tucked away on Cowgate in the heart of Edinburgh’s Old Town, and anyone remotely familiar with Edinburgh will know just how good this part of the town is for all things drinking, dancing and general debauchery after the sun goes down. If that sounds like your kind of thing? I think you’re really going to like this Hotel…
You enter the Hotel directly into Lilith’s Lounge, the hotel bar. This place is a stark contrast to the iconic cobbled streets of Cowgate teeming with tourists. Giant Spray-paint disco ball? Check. Inlayed marble Bowie lightning bolt on the floor? Check. Moody lighting, King Cobra table lamps and absolutely no generic ‘industrial’ furnishings of any kind? Check, check, check. The Chemical Brothers – Hey boy Hey Girl is pulsing out from the speakers and we’re getting stuck into some drinks. The seats here are magnetic, in the sense that it’s far too easy to get settled in and keep the drinks flowing… But the night is young, and we still haven’t actually made it to our room yet.
This hotel is definitely boutique, with 22 perfectly curated rooms to choose from. There are no bad choices here though. Every room is luxurious, but there are incremental steps of increasing decadence and luxury on offer depending on your budget. We were in the Classic, think Oak-panelling, four poster bed, fully stocked cocktail bar and a full-length mirror slap bang in front of that four poster which by some sort of witchcraft was also… A TV. The bathroom is just as luxe with robes at the ready, wall-to-wall marble, and a monsoon shower. I’d had a few drinks by this point and like the 32 year old man-child (who makes Peter Pan look like an amateur on the daily) that I am, hit a mystery button on the cocktail bar that simply said ‘Send Help’. Two minutes later we heard a knock at the door and a member of the awesome bar team immediately had two more glasses of bubbly in our hands. GOOD TIMES.
I have a slight confession to make. Our trip was given an extra shot of rockstar energy and I’m not talking about those fizzy cans of poison with 800mg of caffeine in that I happen to enjoy more regularly than is medically advisable. We were kindly upgraded to their signature ‘Treat me like I’m famous’ rider. Highlights included a £50 cocktail bar tab, luxury chocolate platter, bottle of House of Gods x San Samone DOCG Prosecco, in-room signature Millionaire’s cocktail, late checkout and a luxury breakfast hamper to sort that hangover out. Mimosas are somewhat essential to my basic functioning after a big night out so my daft little face lit up when I spotted OJ and prosecco in that little hamper which may as well have been delivered by god himself it made me feel that good. Factor this extra into your budget when you book your stay (you already know you’ll book) because it’s kind of essential. This isn’t your regular hotel so don’t behave as such, now isn’t the time. They want you to feel like the centre of attention and they’re very good at making that a reality for you. The rider is your ticket to a truly exceptional experience that no other hotel is able to pull off at this price point.
Everything about this hotel is excessive. But remember, nothing exceeds like excess. It’s not gaudy or obnoxious, it’s affordable luxury in a class of its own that actively encourages decadence and hedonism at all times. I’m fortunate enough to visit hotels all over the country but this place is unique in its ability to bring true luxury to the masses, without diluting the quality of the experience in any way.
This is the House of Gods, and you’d better believe that church is in session.
House of Gods Hotel
233 Cowgate, Edinburgh, EH1 1JQ
Online Bookings: www.houseofgodshotel.com
Tel: +44 131 2300445