What Fathers in Their 80s and 90s Want Every New Dad to Know
From post-war Britain to the digital age, fathers with more than 700 years of combined life experience reveal the lessons they wish they’d known when raising children
As Father’s Day approaches this weekend, a group of fathers in their 80s and 90s from across the UK have shared the advice they believe every young and new dad should hear.
Having raised children through post-war Britain, rationing, the arrival of television, the rise of the internet and the digital age, these residents from Berkley Care Homes have witnessed enormous social change over the decades. Yet despite the changing world around them, their reflections on fatherhood remain remarkably simple and timeless.
Between them, the fathers have more than 700 years of life experience and generations of children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Their message is not about perfect parenting, but about being present, showing love and making the most of the fleeting years of childhood.
For David Carr, 90, from Leamington Spa, fatherhood is about sharing responsibility and being actively involved.
“Be there, be present – bringing up a child is not just the mother’s job.”
Michael Smith, 98, from Warwick, echoed that sentiment.
“Always share the care and don’t leave it all to your wife.”
Many of the fathers reflected on just how quickly childhood passes. Victor Vowles, 94, from Leamington Spa, urged parents to savour every stage.
“Treasure every moment and don’t wish their childhood away… time passes so quickly.”
He also stressed the importance of patience and unconditional love.
“Be patient, be kind, teach by example – and love them whatever they do or the choices they make.”
Mike, 90, from Worcester, said one of the biggest lessons he learned was understanding how quickly the years go by.
“Be curious and be tolerant of misbehaviour. I wish I’d known how quickly time flies when I first became a father. Being a dad is having the joy of sticking together.”
He added:
“Be tolerant when stepping out of line, have a good attitude, plenty of hugs, treat gently and be guided by your wife.”
Carl Wimperis, 94, from Leamington Spa, believes one of the hardest lessons for fathers is learning when to step back.
“Your children grow up so fast – and letting them make and learn from their own mistakes is very hard for a father, but it’s something you need to do.”
For Patrick, 97, from Chesham, fatherhood is rooted in authenticity and guidance.
“You have to be yourself and be good. You have to look after them and they will come to you for guidance.”
And John ‘JJ’, 86, from Chesham, offered perhaps the most memorable piece of advice of all.
“Make anything to keep them happy, even if it’s green custard.”
Reflecting on his own experience as a father, David Carr said the rewards of parenthood are impossible to measure.
“My children have enriched my life beyond my wildest dreams. I cannot imagine what life would have been without them.”
From reminders about how quickly children grow up to the importance of patience, kindness and unconditional love, the fathers’ words offer a touching insight into what really matters in parenting.
In a world where modern dads often face competing demands on their time and attention, their message is clear: be present, cherish the moments and never underestimate the value of love, patience and simply being there.
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