Although there has been a 30% decrease in official divorces since 2021, couples face many challenges, with the likes of infidelity, poor communication, and unproductive fighting named as some of the most impactful.
However, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, greeting card marketplace, thortful, has spoken to five couples who are still going strong after many years about the key ingredient to a long-lasting relationship – and one is quite taboo.
Speaking to the five couples, who have all been together longer than 10 years, communication, small gestures, and alone time were among the most common ingredients for a long-lasting relationship. All couples even unanimously agreed that farting in front of each other strengthens their relationships.
- Communication.
Lack of communication is among the top reasons for break ups, according to experts, which is why Tom Lanaway, who has been with his partner for 11 years, claims strong communication to be the key to his strong connection.
“Having the ability to see a problem separate to ourselves and figure out together. The best example is that we argued for years about washing dishes (I hate washing dishes) but we realised Beth hates cooking (I love cooking), so now I do all the cooking and Beth does all the washing up – problem solved!”
Dating and relationship expert, Clarissa Bloom, adds, “One of the most important aspects in a healthy long-term relationship is a strong form of communication. Feeling safe to be honest with each other and to talk about important subjects will make a huge difference.
For a strong level of communication, it requires both patience and mutual respect, as both sides need to listen and to discuss any potential issue or problem. This eagerness to grow will help the relationship to flourish.”
- Be your complete self.
All couples agreed that farting and pigging out together were all part of a healthy relationship, as Andrea says “Your partner should be the person you feel most comfortable around, and in time you sort of find the right balance for you as a couple when it comes to doing embarrassing things in front of them but also keeping some things to yourself, as you still want them to find you attractive.”
Andy agrees,” You should feel comfortable to do whatever you want in front of your partner apart from when you need a number 2. Shut the door, nobody wants to smell that.”
Clarissa adds, “The majority of couples start to fart openly in front of their partner after 6 months. Letting your guard down in front of your partner can involve letting down safeguards that might have been in place for most of your life.”
A spokesperson from thortful shares that they champion being vulnerability, no matter how ‘embarrassing’ it may be, “We see a lot of couples buying rude Valentine’s Day cards for their partner, which goes to show it’s a key part of healthy a relationship.”
- Keeping your relationship private.
In a world where we share everything online, Andy Moody, who has been with his wife 14 years explains that keeping their private life private is key.
“The biggest thing for us is keeping your relationship inside your relationship. Everyone will often have opinions on things which is fine to take, but we never make decisions without discussing things first. As we have grown, we now keep most discussions private to us and rarely ask friends or family for advice.”
- Accepting a relationship is never 50/50.
Andy also adds that it’s not normal for a relationship to be 50/50, or is near impossible, adding “It changes from being 60/40 effort from one partner and then 80/20 from the other partner another time. If you start going tit for tat on effort, then things will never work. You are in a partnership which is rarely 50/50 effort. The big thing is realising when you have been on the smaller percent for a while.”
- Self-development and personal growth.
Whilst it’s important to grow together as a couple, it’s equally important to take responsibility for your own growth and development, according to Andrea, who has been with her husband for just over 10 years.
“Looking back, I’d say the best thing we did for our relationship was working on our self-development, i.e. therapy, cultivating hobbies and friendships, understanding ourselves better etc. This really helped us improve our self-confidence and communication as a couple which is a massive help in tackling daily problems and navigating those hard conversations.”
- Effort.
Clarissa explains it’s important to make effort no matter how long you have been together.
“I have surveyed couples numerous times in the past and most stop having ‘date nights’ at the two-year mark. It doesn’t have to be a ‘date night’, but ensuring you keep those shared moments together is critical. Spending time together and trying out activities you will both enjoy can help to keep a relationship strong.”
James Fernando shares this has been key to his 18 year long relationship, saying “We always try to have fun and make each other laugh – that’s very important to me that one. Spending time together, planning weekends away, going for meals, watching a concert or play, even going for a walk the two of you.”
Sophie Barker, who is in a 10 year relationship, adds, “If one person isn’t feel 100%, then taking the time to pick more stuff up at home, such as doing the food shop, cooking, or washing up goes a long way.”
To read the couple’s full love stories and get Valentine’s card inspiration, visit: https://www.thortful.com/blog/the-secret-to-long-lasting-relationships/